Random, Stupid, and Funny Stories
by Weirdo Gal
Summary: Random stories that inclued: MarySues, Bob the evil pickle, Slashes, and stupid scenarios. Read and Review! NEW CHAPTER. Arty meets the Hobo King...
1. The song of DOOOOOM

**Sorry about my other stories. They were deleted due to the fact that they had script format, so I have to revise them, it may take a while. I wrote this because it was random.**

**Thingy: I don't own these, Eion Colfer (Bow down to him) does.**

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It was the middle of the night; the wind chilled every aspect of life. An inexplicably evil sound sounded. It was Artemis playing an accordion and singing twinkle, twinkle little star. The noise was so horrid that it killed many people.

Of the dead was Bob, the evil pickle. Everyone revolted in the death of their hero. "Bob was so evil, we loved him." cried the devastated Holly Short. "I must kill Artemis!"

So, Holly stole a nuclear warhead and placed it above Fowl Manor.

As Holly was plotting against Artemis because of the death of her boyfriend, Bob, Artemis was writing a new song. He was sitting in the middle of a field surrounded by butterflies. He put hismiddle finger into his nose.

A light bulb appeared above his head. He had written a song, one so beautiful, so passionate, so catchy...

Holly sighed. _I need to looknice if I want to kill Artemis._ So...she turned to Butler, who was morning over Bob, yet was mad because he had not been mentioned in this story yet. "Butler, I will give you this button...It will detonate the warhead, don't push it!"

Holly skipped off to the mall; they were having a sale on socks, her favorite. Butler was watching TV.

Artemis had writtena song.

Holly was going through the meadow where Artemis was writing.

Artemis, oblivious to Holly started singing,

"Die, Die, Die, You #! $$#.

You will do that now you #! $$#.

Oh, my banana bread is sweet

And I love my big feet, size 6456562, is my shoe,

Oh die, die, die-"

Holly cut in, "Oh, Artemis, I love your song, I weep cheers of joy, I love you." But as they were abou to kiss Butler blew them up.

Butler then reasoned, "This isnot romance, so, I couldn't let them kiss." But that was just an excuse.

FLASHBACK

Butler was watching TV, when Desperate Housewives ended, he loved that show. What was on next was a show he hated, so, he reached for the remote. He pressed down on the channel changer when he heard an explosion.

When he looked down he realized it was the detonation button he pressed.

THE END (because Butler died for noreason)

**Read and review now. Becaus if not I will start going isnane...wait I'm already past that point.**


	2. Arty meets the Hobo King

**I have not updated in a loooooong time, but I do have a new story out, Artemis Fowl: The Sapphire Thief. I think it is cool.**

**I soooo don't own Arty, Butler, Holly, or Juliet. But I do own the Hobo King!**

Once upon a time, Artemis Fowl was sitting at his desk, coming up with some clichéd plot to steal something overly valuable, like in every Mary-Sue-Thief-person-who-is-kinda-evil-but-loves-totally-OOC-Arty fic. His blue eyes that were just as blue as even bluer eyes were given a strange metaphor that made no sense as he stared at the computer.

Arty was of course plotting something (well actually _Artemis Fowl II _was plotting something), when the doorbell rung.

Butler who once again had not been mentioned yet in this chapter got up and said, "I'll get the door Arty!" Not that Butler ever called Artemis Arty. It was quite obvious that Butler was not maybe yes not kinda sort of not himself and was hypnotized under Mesmer, or maybe he just had issues.

Butler straightened his suit and but on that I'm-a-butler-and-servant-and-will-kill-you face and opened the door. Butler gasped! He saw in the door a man.

This man was an eight foot tall hobo, riding a motorcycle, with a long bright green beard, an eye patch and a peg leg. He was wearing a sparkly prom dress and beat up army boots. On his head there was a George Washington type wig, that was dyed black with red streaks.

"I am, like, the hobo king," he said in a very high pitched preppy Scottish accent. "I have, like come to find Artemis Fowl, giggle, like totally." He smiled a perfect smile with beautiful white teeth.

"Artemis sir, there is a Mister Hobo King to see you sir," Butler called to Artemis. Juliet who was mad that she wasn't mentioned at all in this story came into the entrance hall and gasped excitedly.

"Oh, Holly! I love the Hobo King look!" She said.

**Cliff hanger. Is Holly Short the Hobo King? Is Juliet just crazy? Could they be on a soap opera? Read and Review and you will find out!**

**WeirdoGal**


	3. Arty meets the Hobo King part 2

**Random short chapter alert. Strange joke involving a character from Eoin Colfer's book Half Moon Investigations. Sorry for the long wait. **

"As darkness fell on the Hobo-kingdom in the south of Liechtenstein, concealed by a giant forest of cookies filled with pudding, the evil mushroom watched and waited. It was earlier that week that he had attacked," the Hobo kind said as the perspective of an ominous narrator.

"Wow, Holly!" Juliet squeeled for the 940532754098 time that day.

"HE IS NOT HOLLY" Everyone yelled, ready to kill Juliet if she didn't take her meds soon.

"Well," the hobo king continued, " I decided to call Harry Potter for help, but he was busy with some Voldemort guy, so the I tried InuYasha who was busy with some Naraku guy, then I tried Ed Elric but he was busy with some stone thing, then I tried Natty but he was dead or something, then I tried Bobby Pendragon, but he was busy with some guy, then I tried Dr. Chase, in all of his hotness, but he had to work, then I tried—"

"WE GET IT ALLREADY!"

"So then I thought of going to see Fletcher Moon so I came here to Ireland."

"So," Artemis said coolly, "you came to ask my help to save your civilization?"

"No," the hobo king replied, "I was going to ask you directions to Half Moon Investigations!"

**Read and review**


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